Wow, guys! I haven’t talked to you since last year! Crazy!
So tonight is the State of the Union, and there are not 1, not 2, but 3 exciting Republican rebuttals to watch afterward, so you can bet I’m excited for that representation of our politically diverse voting public.
But tonight is a night designated for fun and booze, so I’m going to keep it short. Here are a few simple rules for how not to remember anything Obama said:
1. Drink when someone says “America” and “Freedom” in the same sentence.
2. Drink when the person sitting behind Obama does anything except stare at Obama.
3. Drink when (and be honest now) a politician says something you don’t understand.
4. Watch the hands of the speaking politician. When you can’t remember the last thing he or she said, finish your drink.
5. Finish your drink if anyone says any variation of the name “Edward Snowden.”
6. Finish your drink if anyone calls Obama a “socialist” or a “communist.”
BONUS: Finish whatever you’re drinking right now if you’re a hipster and this is the first time you’ve watched cable since the 2012 election.
OH! I ALMOST FORGOT. JUST FOR FUNZIES. Here is the version the real menz will be playing. Just three rules, so it’s easy to remember:
1. Drink when anyone says something you agree with.
2. Drink when anyone says something you don’t agree with.
3. Finish your drink when your Mom calls to tell you to stop re-posting your profane tweets on Facebook.